The Official John McCain VP Vetting Questionnaire – Short Form
To see if you qualify to use this form:
Are you Mitt Romney? Yes No
If yes, sorry, you’ll need to complete the Long Form.
Reminder to Long Form Respondents:
Please refer to the document production manual that was included with your Official VP Vetting Binder for more instructions – paying particular attention to the requests for proper alignment/positioning of the paper clip when submitting documents in excess of one page.
If no, proceed.
Welcome my friend to the VP Vetting Process. I have asked you to participate in this process because I truly believe you are the next generation of leadership in the Republican Party and in America. Cindy and I look forward to getting to know you in the coming hours as we begin this truly important journey together.
1. To the best of your recollection, have I ever threatened, maligned, collared, hit, or hit on you?
If yes, please describe, indicating also whether you’d be open to more of the same.
2. Are you Jewish and/or from the northeast?
3. Force-rank the following:
b. Country
c. Biography
d. Truthfulness
4. Which statement typifies your economic views:
b. I was a foot solider in the Reagan Revolution.
c. I was an extra in a couple of Reagan movies.
d. You and Cindy should really swing by next time you’re in Monaco, it’ll be a blast.
e. Seriously, if I hear one more person whine about ‘oh you won’t believe my grocery bill… blah-blah-blah… or, you can’t believe what it just cost me to fill up… yada-yada-yada…’
5. Are you a terrorist?
6. You sure about that?
7. After having a few too many beers at night, ever get the urge to grab a stick, saunter into town and play whack a mole? Ever done that with an A4 Skyhawk, an armored personnel carrier or a fast inshore attack craft?
8. Say Cindy and I were having a BBQ at one of our houses, who would you bring along as your guest(s):
b. Chicks
c. Bunch of folks with landscaping/agricultural experience
d. Jesus
9. You don’t got a thing for Congressional pages, tap dancing in urinals or bilking Indian reservations, right?
10. On the other hand, sometimes it helps to have a ‘handle’ – take me, for example I’m a Maverick. What are you?
b. Caped-crusader.
c. Holy-roller.
d. Kiss-ass-silver-tongued-tax-raising-liberal-leaning-history-making-celebrity.
e. None of the above but folks know you by one name.
11. Take your right hand up in front of your eyes. Snap. Did you blink?
12. Snap twice. Three times. Four times, as loud and as fast as you can and then shout HAH! How about now: any blinking yet?
