The Clinton Campaign is the long-term substitute teacher from hell who’s all about the busy work. No indoor recess, no free period and no social time allowed when this school marm rules the roost. She’s all about the tests; you finish one, you get another.
THE DELEGATE MATH TEST
1. Which of the following is true:
a. 1616 > 1504.
b. 27 > 16.
c. $55 million > $32 million.
d. This is stupid – it’s only the big states that matter.
THE COMMANDER-IN-CHIEF TEST
1. List the countries you have visited, their capitals and the quantity of tea you drank while there.
2. How many ribbon cuttings at border crossings in Macedonia have you presided over?
3. How many treaties involving North Ireland have you more or less hammered out?
4. Are you a Muslim?
a. If your answer is “no,” why do I have Muslim-like pictures of you?
5. When the phone rings at 3am you should (check all that apply)
a. Still have your jewelry and pants suit on.
b. Be asleep at the Mayflower Hotel with a silly grin on your face.
c. Have your dog-eared Foreign Policy for Dummies book by the bedside table.
d. Tell your spouse, “It’s your turn to get it.”
e. Answer, “Nuke ‘em!” and then roll over and go back to sleep.
THE STEWARD OF THE ECONOMY TEST
2. Who would you rather lay-off?
a. Poor Whites
b. Poor Latinos
c. White women over 50 years old
3. The best way to address the home mortgage crisis is:
a. Go land shopping with Tony Rezko.
b. Refuse to cap credit card fees at 30%.
THE KEYSTONE TEST
1. Your father’s African roots aside, how come he wasn’t buried in Pennsylvania like my dad?
2. Spending your summers in an Indonesian madrassa aside, how come you never summered in the Poconos like I did?
3. If your dad isn’t buried here, and you didn’t summer here, and if you can’t win the primary here, without citing any other poll numbers to the contrary, how do you think you could possibly win the general election?
THE KITCHEN SINK TEST
What would you say to a Muslim, coke-snorting, Hispano-Canadian consulate official whose only knowledge of you was attending the one speech you gave in 2002, who was confused about why your spiritual advisor hated white America, especially given that as a black male you guys get an unfair leg up with the vast left-wing conspiracy that controls the media machine in this county?
